MODELLING UNSEEN PAIN WITHIN

I look at the grieving me in any mirror
And see the monstrous horns of horror
I think about the remaining you in the cold
In between the teeth that earth crush in fold
Then I remember I was told
There was a concrete with cement sold
To the mouth of the earth through the cold
Still I think, will you be served to the moth
Who will enjoy you with a ketchup of rot?
Always at that point, this your earthly maker, feels caught
And extremely tortured by fear that conscience bought
From even the least mistakes that contributed
To your transformation into the dish of death
Then she detests her legs for stepping on the earth
And her body for riding on its legs
Knowing you are in there
Oh this is so unfair!

II
Cruelty is missing a dear
Whose voice you can never hear
Though the distance is only six feet deep
Deep loving’s machete is definitely heartbreakage of parting
I am butchered in so many pieces
Pieces of disdain
Pieces of insanity
Pieces of fretting
Pieces of regretting
Pieces of hurting
Pieces of stressing
Pieces of disbelief
Pieces of psychosis
Pieces of hate
Pieces of bitterness
Pieces of blame
Pieces of begrudging
Pieces of God taunting
Pieces of loss
Pieces of self pity
Pieces of slugging
Pieces of devastation
Pieces of cursing
Pieces of pleading
Pieces of praying
Pieces of fear
Pieces of tears
Pieces of the clumsy
Pieces of burning
And pieces fighting for calm
All beaded and adorned on the bones of this ghost
Which parades the me which hypocritically lives like an unharmed
You are in my blood
You are so in my veins
You are engraved in my bones
Carved deeply in my heart
Hanging as a huge portrait in the chamber of my mind
Never ever to be forgotten
Kwadjo Opoku Ahwinie!
Amoafowaa Sefa Cecilia © Dec. 31, 2018

OH KAY!

You won
You won the draft you forced us to play
Putting your novice mother under your orders
“Tell me what is in your heart”
I am sorry
“For going hungry to buy my drugs?”
I am sorry
“For roaming so much to look for my cure?”
I am
“You’re sorry for going to war to keep me alive?”
Kay!
“I knew Mama! I knew that even when you thought of death
You thought of you together with me”

II
I am sorry
“For bathing insults because of me?”
I am sorry
“For turning shame into clothes of pride all because of me?”
I am so sorry
“For wallowing in debts all because of me?”
Kay I am sorry
“For wishing me an empire instead of penury?”
You don’t
“You don’t know the angel you are
You don’t know the angel you’ve been
You don’t know the work you’ve done
But I know it all
And I won this draft so listen”

III
“Right now you’re back to 27
Amoafowaa, when you didn’t know me
You’re the poetess, so crack this out
From here on, pick a palm tree instead of a rose
If it fails in palm oil, kernel oil will be there
If it gives you nuts, its leaves will help you carry
If it makes a mess, the spine of its leaves will help you sweep
If it falls today, it can give you wine
And add its protein to see you through…”
But
“No but, just listen
A pot is great but needs a ladle in cooking
Legs are pairs like hands for many reasons
The pair must match
And I will watch
If any must be happy
It’s my dear Cecilia”
Kay
“Kokokoookoooo”
So I wake to find myself on this bed at Nobuamu
Not sweating, but yearning, crying but grateful

IV
Could it be my imagination?
Oh a dream like living!
Vivid! So vivid!
Amoafowaa Sefa Cecilia © Dec. 16, 2018

I WAS WRONG

I was wrong
I was wrong to try to tear this mud house
Into a palace of comfort
For a future I knew nothing of

II
I was wrong
I was wrong to move you to the best place I thought possible
Knowing not I was pushing you into a dangerous dungeon

III
I was wrong
I was wrong to have left you
In chase of an uncertain future
And I am on my knees like a broken goat
I was wrong
I was wrong

IV
Regret plaster regret painting regret
I was wrong
So so wrong
To have created a hole in our secured anthill
Allowing scavengers a meal through carnivorous beasts
Amoafowaa Sefa Cecilia © Dec. 15, 2018