ABASS ASAGRI’S WEDDING

Memuna, Aisha, Fati, Hamamat
Call Wunpini and Asibi,
…Talata and Humu
And tell them to dress like Bolga Tiitii
For us to grace the Wedding of Perfect Abass
We must see Mrs Asagri in her perfection

II
Aisha, are you asking why?
Have you forgotten he called you a fat cow
…and called me a bony mat?
Have you forgotten he called Memuna ugly and named Wunpini Miss Man?
Need I mention he tagged Hamamat a Village Chick
…and declared Asibi a guinea pig?
You’ve started laughing because you remember he called Humu Spoilt Bread
…and called Asibi Turkey Breastina
Wasn’t Talata his Dwarf
…and the late Wuntima his Crab
…because he claimed she walked like a broken crab?
Even the migrated Asana was called Flat Chested Flat Back Tuo
…by Asagri
We sure, like his great panel, must judge his Mrs

III
For I know she may be from Mars or Jupiter
No woman born of woman
…pumped by man would have fathered a lady he’ll fancy on this earth
That woman’s face should be like the sun
Her skin like the black star of our flag
Her lips should be like pink flowers
…and her height should be like that of Miss World
She should have breasts fit for a feast
…but fit enough not to cross over to a Breastina
And her butt should be enough to qualify as curvy

IV
If her eyes turn out to be like dots on a rushed doll
…just as her husband-to-be described my sister, Yeji
And her mouth looks big like that of Shatta, swollen from stings of bees
…just as he described my mother
Then he needs to relocate from Tamale
For, Hasana Antoona will not be able to fit in the same town as them

V
I know she is innocent
But the pepper which got plucked because of a dead fowl
…also did nothing to be grinded
And a fly which follows a stinky corpse with carnivorous intentions
…will surely be buried with it
What are you saying Fati?

Vb
“A hunter does not look for meat
…on the legs of an antelope
Look at the Abass Asagri you mentioned
What on him is worth watching?
Is it his pot belly at age thirty
…or his crooked legs which walk like oars on a sinking boat?
Let’s look for somewhere to sit and think about ourselves
Because he is marrying the zinkom seller’s daughter
…who can neither have sexual intent
…let alone give consent
…to his abuses which were to his swimmers’ content
The poor girl with just an eye,
That girl who is to be pitied
…is the girl he necodemously went to plant his false yams in
Unluckily for him, she was able to point him out
And her family threatened to make a jail rat out of him
So Asagri’s family is forcing him to marry her
There is nothing in the belly of that lizard
Except shame and self hatred
So look for some tuo, eat and sleep
I am going to sell my shea fruit after plaiting my daughter’s hair”

VI
See how my legs are shaking!
How will that girl live with that mouth sharp as scissors?
Won’t she be cut into pieces?
See how my hatred has turned into pity for her
…and my anger, worry?
Men like Asagri only need to end up with beasts
…which can make them their feasts
…when they hurt them with their insulting heat
Wɔi! Wɔi!! Wɔi!!! Wɔi!!!!
Naawuni!
Amoafowaa Sefa Cecilia © January 4, 2021