DEFILED THOUGHTS (CRAZY STANZAS)

Here I lay
Like a tired lonely child
Inwardly crying for the safety of my seed
While praying for the safety of family
As I ask for strength to see all through
To such a time as fishers and farmers will abound
Leaving my food and fishes safe
But some demi-gods are on display
Throwing tantrums to throw me off balance

II
One thinks I am his
And that no matter who is in my heart
That person is usurping
The other thinks he likes me only as a pleasure tool
The other thinks he has a lover but needs me as a decoration
What of the many others
Bugging to fit me like a doll
Into their second slots?
And oh! I dislike dealing with the toy boys
Who believe I am a gift from heaven
What is it at all about the other
Who thinks he can break it off and come any time he pleases?
It is a confusing state
As I only have eyes for one
One who keeps considering
Doing all he can to help me through
The qualms of life
So I feel the rest are rubrics

III
Rubrics but they keep evading
Evading some space in my thoughts
Defiling some strands
Just because I have shown them some care
Some motherly; that went wrong
Some sisterly; that went bad
Some passionate; that went misintepreted
I have seen it all now
I now know I am a sexual tool
My voice attracts than Satan’s
My stature lights passions of most
My intelligence a fuel for possession
But did I create me?
Why must I hear, see and deal with these?

IV
I feel my thoughts defiled
When school waits to graze most of it
I have my thoughts defiled
When there are many hungry mouths to feed
I have my thoughts defiled
When work calls
And the world calls for my voice
Grazed,  abused, harmed
When all I want is a lovely one
One who knows himself and stays farther apart
I call all these rubrics
Waiting for the content to claim his space
And help delete all the unnecessary information
To make room for airy space
Amoafowaa Sefa Cecilia (c) 2015