BOTHERSOME IN-LAWS IN AFRICA

The issue of mothers-in-law is a big issue in Africa. No matter how much you will want to rule the mothers- in- law out of your family homes, you cannot, because they form an integral part of the thoughts of their sons or daughters. An African can do everything but can never abandon his or her parents, unless of course in few circumstances where traditionalists and pastors convince the children with the claim their mothers are witches and are the causes of the problems in their lives.

One may ask: Why must I deal with such problems when I have no business with the mother of my spouse? You must bridge yourself for the worst if you have such an attitude. The African man or woman you are married to, or aim to marry is perceived as a treasure to his or her parents, especially if the person happens to be a ‘he’. He mostly regards his mother as his first love and vice versa, so your presence alone will bring about jealousy, you’re trying to take what belongs to her. I will not want to justify the cruelty of some mothers- in- law in Africa, and I know that all children are considered treasures by their parents but I’d like to take you through the life of a typical African man.

Maybe when the woman got pregnant, her husband abandoned her, she struggled through thick and thin to see her son through school always aiming to provide him with the best of everything. She may have cried seeing him suffer, may have wept seeing him hungry, may have been insulted for the child’s mistakes by the society, may have been shamed in her quest to provide everything for her child, may have fasted and prayed for a brighter future for her child. Now this child is a man, a man she can talk to, a man she is proud of, a man who will be a responsible husband, something she never had, so why must her treasure be taken by someone she feels does not deserve it? Is it by virtue of the favour she finds with her son? Mostly such are the thoughts.

As the incoming wife, you must be able to read between the lines, give due credence to the husband’s mother, try to show her that you mean no harm and that you appreciate all her efforts. It doesn’t matter if you are verbally abused at first, she will eventually come around if you act and speak to her senses. Learn all the things you need to learn about her and try to please her. When you gain her confidence, you have gained your man. She will always be on your side so long as you are right.

But there are some who have been engulfed by bitterness. No matter what you do, you can never get through to them. They will always make trouble for you and will behave like they own their children. Those are the ones called the witches. They have closed their ears and their hearts, your very presence can make them feign a heart attack. What do you do then? My advice, keep your distance. Try as much as possible to be nice to her when you come into contact with her but be sure not to offend her, for no matter what she is, she is still the mother of your husband.

You may think that I am being biased, but wait until you have your own children, then you will see the troubles you will go through to even see them through kindergarten.

         Amoafowaa Sefa Cecilia © 2014.