THE NARRATOR
In the beautiful township of Nowhere, we bring you into the houses of a few people who battle with life, love and conflict resolution. Now let us get onto the stage.
ACT ONE SCENE ONE
(In the house of the newly wedded Serwaa and Twum, they cuddle together and kiss each other)
Serwaa: What a lovely union
With happiness and fears like the smell and sting of an onion
No one ever prophesized of me having this companion
Who is handsome, strong and dependable like the best of stallions.
Twum: Oh my love
Who I place no one above
Beautiful and pure like the dove
Untainted and clean as the washed hands from the glove
Now put some food on the stove
And put together your recipes and let’s see what tastes evolve
Serwaa: At your service
As long as I am in your premises
I’ll let you have it all; seeing the crevice
Of the water of life, doing away with all malice
Including hunger is my promise
Twum: I wish it will forever be like this
These bubbles that all the tensions fix
And me smitten to a point of my friends’ piss
But I have no care in the world if I get her many a kiss
EXUENT
ACT ONE SCENE TWO
(Owusu stands outside their house in the middle of the night talking to himself in grief)
Owusu: Oh the night is fair
And sweet as the flying air
How sweet it will be if more lovers stir
And sweet moments share
A lonesome me cannot bare
The intent way by which the stars stare
As if to laugh at my plight
Telling me you have no right
To be as bright
As we are by feeling like a kite
In the bosom of the one person that can make all that is bad right
Even the air has the leaves to blow
The sea has the right to flow
And merge with its significant-other and roll
All Seeing, let me have my own with whom I can flow
For sometimes, the coldness that flows
From your end deals me many blows.
(Enters Opoku)
Opoku: Never have I seen such man that melancholy fits
Being cold as the absence of love hits
Instead of keeping quiet and your teeth grits
You waste your breath at the expense of your health and utter such delusions
You run away when you see fair maidens, your illusions
Will drive you straight to your grave
As your situation is quite grave
So just accept the situation and be brave
For the fair maiden will not come to you as you crave
To loneliness you are a slave
Let’s get inside I will give you that shave that you so crave.
EXEUNT
ACT ONE SCENE THREE
(Ruth and her husband are in the house fighting)
Ruth: How can it be that the man that does me mount
Does not know the size of my clothes and cannot count
Our days together?
Will ours be forever?
Benedict: I got together with you to keep me warm
And to help me farm
Also to help me calm
By putting on some balm
When the ache evades my body and freezes my gum
But you continually make me shed all my ease
Teasing and collecting fees
Tasking and painfully pulling my cheeks
Yet behaving like a madam who everyone will love and be pleased
To have in the public eyes, being the niece
Of the priest and a chorister puts me in unease
Stop your whining and let me enjoy the breeze
Ruth: What do I have to do with a man who always complains
And acts without restraint?
Shame on you for having such a mouth to utter such gibberish
Without thinking that you will perish
(Benedict leaves the room)
Coward! Always leaving before the conversation ends, always never getting to the finish. EXIT
ACT ONE SCENE FOUR
(In the hall of Eno’s house, she stands as though in a daze and speaks to herself)
Eno: Lord please tell me that there is such a man, who will haunt
My fancy and with my mind taunt
That man must be tall and handsome
Must find life lonesome
Without me, must speak English like the King of England
Must have so much money as to be able to buy me a golden band
Must be fascinated just by seeing my hand in the sand
As I produce the finest of sculpture and fill his mind
He must have a lot of hair
And have many people call him sir
And fanciful clothing must he wear
To make my friends curse and swear
He must have many mansions
That must come with such high gumptions
To fight for me in front of all the nation
(Enter Eno’s mother: Auntie Ama, hits her and addresses her)
Aunty Ama: where can you find a man as such?
In this your hour of rush?
Can you afford to be picky?
When all your mates are thinking of their graves? Your beauty as tricky
As it can get is falling
At this rate, that old man by the lotto kiosk’s calling
You must heed
If you want to have a seed
That will grow and in your old age feed
Eno: But Ma…
Aunty Ama: But me no but; Oh shut up
And listen to me, let me see you close up
How can you still live in a fool’s paradise?
You have lasted three and a half decades on earth
Do you know certain things that have many sides? Six sides the dice!
Do you know who will beckon soon? Death!
While I have not yet met my second generations
Please snap out of your reverie and aberrations
God had to give me this weird one, (points at Eno) sometimes I think she is not of this earth.
EXEUNT
ACT TWO SCENE ONE
(Benedict was caught cheating by Serwaa and Twum as they sit at their base. Benedict kisses the lady who is giggling so much that when he meets the eyes of the newlyweds, he panics and withdraws leaving the poor girl wandering.)
Serwaa: Hello Paa Bene, you can carry on, we didn’t see a thing!
Twum: (hits her lightly) Hello Paa Bene, greet your wife for us.
EXUENT BENEDICT AND THE GIRL
Twum: Serwaa, stop acting like a brat most times.
Don’t you know that that embarrassed him?
Serwaa: All he had was embarrassment, was it not a crime?
What about the heart attack that he nearly gave me? more like the eye catching the beam
Of light after a long endurance of darkness and being caught after the barber gives a bad trim
I am sure his wife will die of shame seeing that she acts all perfect to the brim
Twum: Say that again, but she looks perfect and slim.
Serwaa: So do you want to go in for her because her figure is slim?
Twum: Far from that my dear, not when your voice chimes
All the time.
(They tease each other and laugh and exeunt)
ACT TWO SCENE TWO
(Ruth and Benedict are walking hand in hand by the road side and they meet Serwaa and Twum who are obviously happy and chatting)
Ruth: Hello fresh couple
Serwaa and Twum: Hello couple with no trouble
Benedict: Who says there are couples without troubles?
(Ruth pinches him and he winces slightly and covers it with a slight cough)
Ruth: Actually there aren’t but love can conquer it all
Once they are committed, they will never fall
And obviously will no third party call
As you can see, we are together going to the stall
Twum: Then do not let us keep you
We will later get more tips when we see you
EXIT SERWAA AND TWUM
Ruth: What I hate most is airing our dirty linen in public
Do you want everyone our wound lick?
Benedict: I am sorry your royal highness for not to your rules stick
Next time, I’ll have you my lines pick
EXIT
ACT TWO SCENE THREE
(Serwaa and Twum are eating in front of their chamber and hall on a small table together all smiles, they both go for the last meat and it turns into a scuffle)
Serwaa: One might think that we are quarrelling over gold
And one might say that you might your husband’s interest hold
In these early times when everything is so cold
Serwaa: Just give it, that you paid my bride price doesn’t mean that I was sold
In fact, I do need more protein to make sure that beautiful babies are mould
Twum: And who crafts those beautiful babies that you so want to mould?
(Still pulling, then Twum gets to squeeze her hand and takes it, Serwaa wails)
Serwaa: How can you be so insensitive?
If I hadn’t been creative
Would you have loved this piece of meat and be so abusive?
Twum: It was your job by birth
And you love putting on your girth
Pushing on me all your debt
So giving me this piece of meat
With a little hand beat
Should make you have a seat
And stop you from bringing more heat
Serwaa: One might think we could get the right heat
During this honeymoon at least
Twum: (Chewing his meat and teasing her) oh our lady is about to cry
Why don’t you run to your mother and try some lie?
Or you can get into the kitchen, get some meat to fry
If you so want to have the meat and stop being sly
Serwaa: (Angry) Foolish and insensitive man
I have on my body put a ban
Twum: (Slaps her so hard but regrets immediately as Serwaa holds her cheek and wails, people gather)
I am so sorry
She actually made me run like a lorry
And hit her out of anger losing my glory
For her insult was a hearing gory
Agya Sefa: Just have them separated
Young man sleep on this and come to my house in three days to be tutored
And the woman, you women must counsel out of the stupid notion of being emancipated
EXIT
ACT TWO SCENE FOUR
(Owusu sees some ladies approaching and starts to be uncomfortable; they get closer and stop to talk to him)
Owusu: I, I ladies (shivering)
Gift: You mean hi Owusu? I’m just telling it right because I am kind
Abena: Eh! Look at how he is shivering, like a leaf in torrential wind.
Owusu: I am not shr-shr-vling, I just don’t like the wind…
Adeline: Ladies, let us leave him, just see the sweat on his face just now. I will not be part of committing murder, let’s go.
Gift: The word was shivering, not shriveling Owusu. Nice man with P.O.P on his mouth and a coward, let’s go
(They all laugh and leave him as he stands there with tears welling down his face)
ACT TWO SCENE FIVE
(Eno sneaks into the room with a man as old as her father, light breaks on them as her mother sees them fast asleep naked, she hits them both and the man runs out with his clothes naked)
Eno: Ma! What is it this time? You will kill me at this rate
Aunty Ama: What is what? Who was that old shriveled grandpa whom even I will not date?
Eno: what do you mean? That is the man by the lotto kiosk, Agya Obeng, you told me to go when he calls because you need your grandchildren so I now have him as a mating mate.
Aunty Ama: (breaks into tears) What have I done to deserve this? I wish the earth will open up and swallow me
Or pause the time to let me be
Or carry me with a secret boat
That can carry me all covered with a big coat
So that no human-being will me do see
So as to gossip and make my embarrassment free
Eno: Why do you me so hate?
If you throw a bait
Know that I will catch that bait
Why then do you lament
You profess I ferment
To a point that my womb will be destroyed
So I must not myself toy
To think that I may get the fair boy
So I took the soy
And now you are behaving coy. EXIT
ACT THREE SCENE ONE
(Serwaa and Twum are at loggerheads in the house)
Twum: Hey, won’t you cook for me to have something to eat?
Serwaa: In your dreams, you can eat my feet.
Twum: Is that what you are telling me? To eat your stinking feet?
Serwaa: You got it nice and neat
Should I also fold it in pleat?
Twum: If you continue like this, I may really intend to you beat
What is all this? You wear those tight jeans to bed
Making your side of the bed red
Threatening to blood shed
And to make me fled
If I so much as cross to your side
I all these abide
Thinking that your stupid mood will suffice
But it seems like you have yet to start
Serwaa: You can have us part
If you feel like you cannot the bargain cart
For my head itches like it is possessed by many lice
When you talk like mice
Together eating raw rice
(He makes as if to hit her and she runs around, he gives her the chase) EXUENT
ACT THREE SCENE TWO
(In Agya Sefa’s house, he sits Twum down for some counseling)
Agya Sefa: What will make a man hit a woman?
An insult son?
Twum: Yes, that I was foolish.
Agya Sefa: And why were you called foolish?
Twum: Because I took the last meat she relish
And teased her but I no doubt her cherish
Agya Sefa: Not that I am on her side but you truly were foolish
If what you are saying is what happened
What is meat that must bring about all the chaos that happened?
You know you could have had her prepare another
Or you could with a kiss soften her like a feather
Why did you have to use force?
When you could be at a loss
As the man who hits without a cause
Because all women have mouths like a fox
That can open wide and spew such nonsense without pause
But one thing is for sure
They do not mean it but have no cure
For being such loose mouths that men must endure
For a petty man can never be a good husband, that I am sure.
Twum: Thanks Agya, it was a mistake and I will be careful next time
I will count as the clock chimes
When in anger and my count mime
So I’ll not listen and have a temper that can make me commit a crime
EXIT
ACT THREE SCENE THREE
(Owusu gets to the house, quickly runs into the arms of Opoku and cries on his shoulders)
Opoku: I know it all
I’ve heard it all
And I think that you stood tall
Because you did keep you weep
And made sure the girls had no tears to keep
On their tall stories about you and seep
Through your torment and in you sorrow peep
I will make you brave
So much so that all those girls will get into your cave
And become your slaves
Then you can choose to their heads shave
Or hurtfully change their names
As much as their giggles hurt and from you claims
So cry not my friend
For nature was good to you as to give you a face that is every woman’s friend
LIGHTS FADE.
ACT THREE SCENE FOUR
(Serwaa sits the elderly women down and narrates her ordeal, she listens and admonishes)
Maame Sefa: Men always do things without thinking
If they didn’t, will they have crafted a statement that they must be stinking
To be authentic? But my child, why am I this linking?
In the house, they are the head that looks out for the body
Hearing to ensure its safety, thinking and talking
To ensure it is on the right path, at his thought, the body
Is fed and bathe, a moody brain makes a moody body
Maame Azumah: And also the feeding is always through the mouth
Unless it is a defect, so a woman must not go on about
Because of food when the man is not full
You doing that was like you his legs pull
In a feisty way
And a man will keep all those who do that to him at bay
So next time, just view him as a hungry beast
And let him have a feast
For this road will never be nice in the least
If you do take him on on these little things because it will bring on a heat
That you cannot beat
EXIT
ACT FOUR SCENE ONE
(We see Owusu being taken through bravery lessons by Opoku; he is giving him a haircut)
Opoku: You are actually very handsome so all you need to do is a dress well
And all the women for you will fall
Then you wouldn’t have to the wind and moon tell
Of your loneliness and the feeling of gall
Caused by the ladies as to your handsomeness, they will themselves sell.
(He is done with the haircut and shows him the mirror, even he is stunned with what he is seeing)
Owusu: Thank you very much
Opoku: Don’t thank me yet, this is just a touch
When the deal is done
And your nights of coldness are gone
Then I will take all the thanks borne
ACT FOUR SCENE TWO
(Eno gets up from bed feeling bad; she nearly falls but maintains her composure. Her mother is concerned)
Aunty Ama: Eno, what is this I discern?
Do you think that I should be concerned?
Eno: it’s been happening for sometime
I feel nauseous then I crave for lime
My mouth contains a lot of slime
Aunty Ama: (shouts in bewilderment and checks her pulse) you are pregnant Eno!
What am I going to do with you? Oh no!
Don’t tell me that it is for that wrinkly old man
That looks like something drastic in the can
Oh my God! To whom shall I run?
Wish my husband were alive
To help me through this live
Eno: I don’t get you, when I am not pregnant you crave for grandchildren
When I am you shriek like some sort of curse has befallen you. Don’t you like the grandchildren?
Aunty Ama: Not one from the old shriveled fool
Eno: But I thought you said he was cool
(She slaps her and storms out)
ACT FOUR SCENE FIVE
(Twum enters the room and sees Serwaa still crying in the seat, he shamefully goes closer and like a fearful man takes her in his arms)
Twum: I am sorry for hitting you; I must admit that I didn’t know what came over me
Serwaa: And I am sorry for calling you names when I could have let it be
A stupid wife is who I see
Who fights over meat with her precious he
Twum: let us all this forget
We love each other and we have regrets
On our first day together but we must not fret
As the lessons abound, for we will one after the other the lessons get.
LIGHTS FADE.
THE NARRATOR
Ruth and Benedict had a huge brawl
About his infidelity and her being unbearable
They separated and Benedict went for his mistress.
Opoku slept with almost half of the girls in the town and eventually contracted a minor sexual illness which taught him to settle down.
Eno gave birth to a baby boy, the whole township got to know about her scandal with the old lotto kiosk operator but her mother refused to accept the man. So she became a single parent.
Twum and Serwaa had their problems here and there, but which couples don’t? Still they lived happily ever after.
BY: AMOAFOWAA SEFA CECILIA.
Mum Cee 