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CONSPIRACY THEORIES (Corona Series, Episode 11)

Yie! Obo funu ɛnkɔ kwa! My aunt’s favourite Akan idiom! Her explanation: There’s no corpse in Obo whose death is justified Tawiah. If it is not a curse that killed it, then it is witchcraft, if it is not its bad deeds that killed it, then it is its disrespect, if it is not the sins of its parents that killed it, then it is money rituals. People of Obo will always have reasons for their deaths, despite what doctors say and so we say Obo’s corpse which never goes without cause. This is what I think about when I think about the many conspiracy theories which have and are still circulating in these times. When Corona started, news went viral of the ways in which Chinese people eat. They eat bats fresh without boiling (Horrible to imagine even as a Kwahu). Videos of some Chinese people eating raw bats, frogs, even snakes surfaced online (never watched, preferred to be told) and the world went crazy with racist comments and blames. It turned out later that those videos weren’t even filmed in China. Ha!
What of the one that claimed blacks cannot be affected by Corona virus because of melanin? I believed that for a moment. The memes of the ancestors shielding melanin babies from Corona splattered the internet. As if only black people get spirits after death. Well, are they the only ones? Anyway, imagine the shock when the first black person died and many others followed suit! Even before we could rap our heads around the wrongful assumptions, news started circulating that some Chinese Virologist manufactured the virus as a biological weapon, but somehow, it got leaked in his own country. That too was chewed by conspiracy lovers who played on the power play between China and the United States of America (US). Some claimed China was fast climbing the world power ladder and needed something to help it control the world, thus, Corona. Ha! Then it eventually metamorphosed into it being a biological weapon that United States used against China through Wuhan, administered into that city through the American soldiers deployed there. Conspiracy lovers had field days chewing on it. I just didn’t know what to think. Somehow, the sabilakoko in me dribbled the idea of it being true but my mind slapped the thoughts out using logic. Knowing it is a contagious virus which can go viral, who will risk it? Some who believed it said the US is jealous of China’s economic success, so did it to cause China’s downfall. Then again some conspiracy theorists claimed the virus that the US sent to Wuhan was refined by China and sent back to the US making it impossible for them to use their original antidote. Some claimed that was why the president of the United States kept mentioning particular drugs as effective for combating the virus. Ahhh, what is my own in that?
Then the 5G theory came. Many were of the view that 5G Network is the cause of the pandemic. This was actually funny because I used my 4G network to watch a pastor using a 4G network to draw diagrams of the mutilating effects of the system. And I thought that pastor was very wise! Is it a little wonder Africans (well many non-Africans believed it but let me speak to my own) are lagging behind? Most of us trust in these sensational preachers with their weird and unrealistic reasons for our problems! How well do you think they can set their congregations on the right paths if they so need it? Need I mention the pastor who prophesied the world will end in mid April? Hahaha hahaha! Man of God came back after the time elapsed and the world was intact to claim he prayed and asked God for an extension! How convenient! Well we must thank God he didn’t confine his congregation to give them poison in order to take the lead to heaven before the destruction started. You know something like that has happened before?
The hair in Bible conspiracy theory was the scariest of all. So we slept, woke up only to see a story circulating that a young girl said God spoke to her to have all believers open their Bibles, they’ll see hair in it at a point, they should put that hair in water and drink it, that will protect them from the virus. (Did they think of the many whose wigs will represent their natural hair? Talk of hair of Brazilian corpses and…😂😂😂) I clapped for those who believed and circulated it. Tawiah Bayifo, I knew I’d die like a chicken for laughing so hard my cheeks hurt. Was it not blasphemy on my part? Well, let’s end it with the theory that man has wronged God so the latter is using Corona Virus to punish us. It does make sense doesn’t it? After all those with underlying complications are dying in their numbers, those who smoked into getting respiratory diseases and those who by no fault of theirs have preexisting complications. Clap for God! As people’s belief in him wanes, his most thoughtful line of action is to kill humans in masses to scare the others into submission. What a gangster genius! Fear of death always is the best whip coupled with hunger and needs. Obo funu ɛnkɔ kwa! Obo funu ɛnkɔ kwa da! Sure! Fear of death is the best whip coupled with hunger and needs.
Amoafowaa Sefa Cecilia © April 25, 2020. Photo Credit: Google Pics.

By amoafowaa

Just a simple Ghanaian trying to find the best in our society. I may be fun, I may be interesting, I may be funny, I may even be foolish or intelligent, but it is all based on the mood in which you find yourself. I believe our minds make us who we are. Know that, pain, no matter its 'unbearability', is transient. Unburden or delight yourself for a while in my writings please. And all corrections, advice and opinions are welcome. Know that you are the king, queen or royal on this blog. :)

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