CATFISHED

Ei!
Agbovi looked at Mawusi
Her shea buttered skin repulsing him
Her natural nails simple-slapping his ego
Her foamy hair angering him
Three pimples on her face
…disgusting him
He booted her out of his house
…like a useless football

Hwɛ!
He went back to his phone
…to Maya
Her fair skin flawlessly obeyed his constant zooming
Her eye shadowed and well made-up face
…excited him
Her silky hair tantalized
…his wishes
As her well manicured nails
…dug false yams of hope under him
Still, her beautiful voice strengthened
…his resolve to do everything to keep her

Boi!
Minutes grew into hours
…hours grew into days
…days grew into months
And social media sped to their meeting
Agbovi waited at the Circle Station
…for three hours, before her car arrived

Boiɛ Boi!
He rushed for her bag like a dutiful servant
…and forced to take her hand bag to his car
Agbovi opened the door
…for her
He strapped her seat belt
…for her
He even fought the hot sun
…for her brief perspiration
…always asking “What’s wrong baby?” at her every sigh

Asu!
Night served them a reach
…and sought to, like a nursery instructor, Agbovi teach
Maya rushed to the bathroom
…as a heaven
And came back to the bedroom
…a hell

Ajeiiii!
A scattered perm replaced the silky shine
…on her head
Baldness replaced the long lashes
…on her eyes, and where were her eyebrows?
Fresh and scarred pimples replaced her flawlessly
…fair face
Her skin had turned fair in patches of red, green and black
…making a zebra’s skin an attractively uniformed patch
And her reduced height
…posed her a near midget instead of the portable beauty he knew she was
Agbovi shouted “Mawu!”

Chai!
He started chanting and calling great trɔwoos of the land
Thinking a demon had tried to demonize his baby in his eyes
…stories of human heads acting lions and dogs at airports
…to destroy ambitious travelers retelling themselves in his mind
The shocked Maya asked what was wrong
He rushed her to his mirror
…and asked
“Do you see what I see?”
“What do you see Agbovi?” Maya’s shrilled voice asked
…to his horror
“Even your voice has changed Maya!
You now look like an angry and scary dwarf!
A slap hurriedly succeeded his remark

Ewooo!
Whaaat?
Agbovi began an Ewe man incantation
…beating his chest to show his strength
Jumping like an elephant with the soul of a he-goat
…to show his anger
Pointing sternly at her so-afraid-eyes
…to warn her to speak quick before he broke her
…with a fearsome god
Maya, who didn’t speak Ewe
…seductively tried a whisper and a touch
…which made him jump like he’d been touched by a live wire
“Agbovi calm down please
…this is the real me
Are you so dumb not to know that
…make up is washed off before bed?
Or you don’t also know high heels are taken off
…in homes?
Didn’t you know the difference between wigs and real hair?
How can you…”
“How can I nuka? Shiiii awoooo!” He cut her off like an unimportant call

Gbɛvu!
Agbovi picked her up like a filthy rag
…and carefully stood her outside his house
…in his nightwear
Whiles screaming, “What a nightmare!”
Before gathering her things in her bag
…and throwing it out like an abomination
…completely turning from a gentleman to a rascal
He then knelt and said a prayer like a repented pretentious priest
…before calling Mawusi

Awooooo!
A male voice picked
And asked –
…”Who calls my wife at this hour?
Has he been slapped by a disciple of the Nogokpo Shrine before?”
Agbovi nearly wet his pants
He rushed to the bathroom
Cursing the what-could-have-been
…which made him destroy his what-authentically-was
Amoafowaa Sefa Cecilia © February 10, 2020