Ashawo Diaries (Tales of Adwoa Attaa) Chapter 8

Hiding suns peak at the least chance they get. It was because of this wisdom I realized there was something wrong with Guru. After having therapy sessions for good six months, I called him home one night when Mimi and Shai were out. While we watched television, I mustered courage to initiate sex. Guru jumped as though I was a live electric wire or worst, a dreadful witch. This was the man who convinced me to have therapy so I could be free. I hated the thought of therapy because I knew Ghanaians all too well. When one sees you coming from a psychologist’s office, the whole town will hear of your madness even if you are a distant relative of the therapist. Obviously, he thought me unworthy to be touched by him. I was so hurt that I didn’t understand why. He, on the other hand, felt so sorry but did not know what to say.
“It’s best you leave” I managed to say through the hurt and tears. 

Guru did leave with tears trickling down his face. He kept repeating “Ɔdɔ please don’t read unnecessary meaning into this. I don’t know what has come over me”

But how could I not read meanings into it? How could I not analyse it? I didn’t know my mind could concoct such horrid dramas and make itself a stage and be cruel enough to make me carry that theatre without others knowing. I saw myself tied like a real bitch, as Ken’s dog brutally pushed its bastard penis right through me while Guru watched in horror. After watching, swearing never to touch me again. I saw Ntwanu and Massai busily laughing at Guru that he had actually acquired a real bitch. I saw Guru swearing to them he would steer clear of me. I saw myself naked and being slept with by a dog as its owner whipped me and my lover watched on national television. I felt naked, disgustingly naked to the world. That night, sleep was banished by my cruel thoughts, from my room, talk less of blessing my bed.

If I was broken after my ordeal, I became shattered. I refrained from coming out of my room, did not open my door to anyone and stayed in bed crying like a deserted baby. Mimi, would stand and cry in front of my door, call me to at least come for food, tell me she had left food in front of the door but I did not budge. Shai would cry and cry and cry and cry but I was not touched. They took turns to work at night so there could be someone around me at all times. I heard footsteps in front of my room at night but was not moved. They told me about their sexual escapades, about the stingy men, troubled men, cool  and distant men. All the stories depressed me the more.

 After a week, my tears might have run out. Ntwanu was the one who broke into my room, opened all the windows and the door, forced me into the shower, bathed me like his little baby, bullyingly but lovingly fed me and took me to his house after. I was simply like his pupil that day. 

“I can’t let you do this to yourself anymore Bee. I have watched you fall apart, bridge all the storms in that slum.  Where is the girl who took on three men who wanted to rape her? Where is the girl who stubbornly does what her heart tells her? Where is the optimistic girl who makes hearts flutter around her? Where is she Bee? I have loved you since our first encounter but left you for Guru because you preferred him. Please stop destroying yourself.”

“I can’t let you do this to yourself anymore Bee. I have watched you fall apart, bridge all the storms in that slum.  Where is the girl who took on three men who wanted to rape her? Where is the girl who stubbornly does what her heart tells her? Where is the optimistic girl who makes hearts flutter around her? Where is she Bee? I have loved you since our first encounter but left you for Guru because you preferred him. Please stop destroying yourself.”

I looked at the hard looking man I had never taken a proper look at ever, standing in front of me and run to him. He opened his arms and I run into it. I sobbed until our mouths met in a convention of passion. I did get to know how much I missed a man’s touch. He gently held my neck with one hand and tickled my back with another as he passionately kissed me. He broke free, kissed my forehead and planted kisses from my face to the soles of my feet, kisses which germinated goose bumps on my needy skin. How he got me out of the clothes he had put on me in my house, I do not know. I did not know the new feeling of being lovingly loved in sex. If sex is an art, Ntwanu was the perfect artist. I got to know later that sex differed from lovemaking, and that what we had that day was lovemaking and not sex. He carried me into his bed and licked me. Even my clitoris clapped for the tongue which blessed her. Every licking was like an angelic wash, an angelic bathing of my dirty soul. I felt needed, I felt loved, I felt I mattered and most importantly, I felt life flowing into my living corpse. He tickled my soles and I had orgasm after orgasm, a new feeling, an out of the world feeling! Then he came up, massaged my scalp, kissed me more, sucked my breast like the gentleman he was and gave my body more kisses than it deserved. I came over and over again. And when he finally penetrated me, my unladylike vagina turned a precious Lady with a sea of moisture and gave us a swinging dance of a lifetime. I felt praised, I felt worshipped, I felt complete and beautiful. It was a precious moment which fetched a new kind of tears from the depth of my soul, tears of happiness, tears of thankfulness, tears of a new kind of hope, tears he drank from my sore eyes.

When he came, I was completely satisfied. He didn’t rush off or just lay beside me like Guru used to, he took me into his arms for few minutes, got up and cleaned me with one of  his nicely scented handkerchiefs. Once that was done, he wiped himself, took me into his arms again and this time, hummed Kojo Antwi’s “Me ne wo beye” song. Little did I know it would turn up to be such a sweet lullaby which would bring me one of the most peaceful sleeps after months of psychological and emotional torture. I thought about why I never saw this gem, why I always spoke casually to him, why I did not care about his nervousness around me, why I only saw him now. Of course I thought of Guru, why he felt disgusted with me, but deep down, I knew it was a normal feeling, a feeling of a man whose prized pet has been defiled by an animal. Looking around, I realized how organised Ntwanu was. Everything in his room was neatly arranged. He had everything a man needed at that time. His clothes were neatly arranged in his wardrobe, his shoes in perfect places beneath.  I saw class in all his choices and I was very surprised. For the first time, my heart was beating fast, very fast for a man. A man I wanted to know more. Then the song started caressing me from within. This soothing song, this soothing song of a hopeful tomorrow. Tomorrow which will be a blessed day unlike yesterday. The sun would see my face when the curtains of darkness is lifted. Well, I was completely stolen by sleep.

Amoafowaa Sefa Cecilia © October 2017

Photo Credit: Google Pics

Chapter 9 will be posted next Saturday, 18th November, 2017

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