For a few years now, Nana Awere Damoah and some of his friends have been putting together awards for traits worthy and satirical for the Ghanaian populace. This is by far the winners for 2016.
(Updated 23 October 2016 (still in progress, some key categories – such as the voted for ones – still in development)
1. Sikamanian of the Year: Bright Simons. This guy continues to blaze new trails. More vim, Mantse!
2. Most Popular Sikamanian: Electoral Commissioner, Charlotte Osei.
3. Yɛ-Wɔ-Kromer of the Year: Bozoma Saint John, Head of Marketing for Apple Music. She is Ghanaian, you know.
4. Most Lucrative Job: Proof-checker for Electoral Comission’s Presidential forms.
- Seetay Waa of the Year: The disqualification of Dr. Paa Kwesi Nduom of the PPP by the Electoral Commission for the Presidential elections. It was shocking!
6. “Sɛ Asa” Moment of the year (an event that finally happened after a long time of expectation or postponements): The dismissal by the Human Rights Court in Accra, in August, of the case brought by suspended NPP National Chairman, Paul Afoko, against his party, challenging the legality of his suspension.
7. U-Turn of the Year: We have a tie between the debatable demand for a debate after declining an early debate and non-payment/payment of trainee nurses allowances.
8. Shifting Target of the Year: The number of new Community Senior Secondary Schools to be completed by close of this year. The number changed from 170 to 123…to 70 to 42 to…
9. Masterstroke of the Year: The sacking of a Failed Promiser by a Serial Promiser. When the Power Minister was sacked.
- Most Misunderstood Phrase: Pro bono
- Most Hated Word in the Flagstaff House: Incompetent. Especially when used by Opana’s brother.
- Most Used Talked-about Word of the Year: Brochure. Incompetent trended having made an entry late last year.
- Prophecy of the Year: “Non-performers will be sacked”. Presido JM, 4 January 2016. It was also the Motive of the Year. Has it come to pass or it has been passed over?
- Statement of the Year: “Mahama’s government will not accept any form of mediocrity. We need to be truthful to the people so that they can accept challenges and not rush to make promises we cannot fulfil.” ~ Koku Da Bull
- Apology of the Year: ISD Director’s apology for Brochure errors. In “Beloved Let Us Laugh”, Prof Kwesi Yankah wrote about the fear of an official issuing a denial about an earlier denial. In 2016, we heard an apology given to apologise for the error in the apology issued for an earlier error. According to Ato-Kwamena Dadzie, the one who apologized for the error in the apology issued for the earlier error later apologised for apologising for the error of mis-apologising! Wetin man no see or hear or read before.
- Book of the Year: The Green Book. It is illustrated too.
- Most Popular ‘Magazine’: The Independence Day Brochure. This surely deserves a standing Ovation – no cabal things here please.
- Editor of the Year: The editor of the Independence Day Brochure. He or she is still at large.
- Public Relations Officer of the Year: Francis Kwarteng Arthur, for his damage control intervention in the Brochuregate Scandal.
- Phrases of the Year: “I don’t think far” and “I don’t think madness”, both made by actor Kwadwo Nkansah aka Lil Wyn.
- Appeal of the Year: “Momma me zu baako e!”
- Conflicting Phrases of the Year: “We don’t think far” and “We think far”.
- DaySpringer of the Year: Hassan Ayariga. He obtained two PhDs, both fake, but one faker than the other.
- Pardon of the Year: Montie Three
- Committee of the Year: Council of State. Their assessment of the need to free the Montie Three was classic and absolutely deep. They helped to unite the nation.
- Most Anticipated Invite of the Year: The appearance of the Montie Three at the Supreme Court.
27. State Guests of the Year: Montie Three
- Resurrected Public Institution of the Year: CHRAJ. They finally gave us a ruling on a high-profile case: that of the Ford gift/bribe allegation. But their report confused us more. See why you don’t have to wake up a sleeping institution?
- Gift of the Year: Ford Expedition
- Beef of the Year: A tie between Afia Schwarzenegger vs Kennedy Agyapong and Sark vs M.anifest.
31. Beard of the Year: Still no contender – award goes to Uncle Oko Rick Ross who is branching soon into braided beards.
- Most Serious Politician of the Year: Hassan Ayariga. He is also voted as the Most Generous as he gave the NPP the permission to copy his manifesto with only one caveat: to copy it well.
- Most Silent Politician: Dr. Nii Armah Josiah-Aryeh. Is he still the Chairman of the NDP?
- Minister of the Year: Abla Dzifa Gomashie. She brings passion to her role!
- Political Promise Template of the Year: One Man, One This and That.
- “You Are Fired!” Judge of the Year: Charlotte Osei
- Suspension of the Year: The suspension by the Convention Peoples’ Party (CPP) of its General Secretary, Nii Akomfrah and National Youth Organiser, Ernesto Yeboah after they publicly condemned President John Mahama for accepting a gift. The two officers openly criticised their flagbearer Ivor Greenstreet for suggesting that the president broke no law by accepting the gift.
- Manifesto Protectors of the Year: The NPP. They also complained that everyone wanted to, or had succeeded in, copying aspects of their manifesto.
- Dadabee Factory of the Year: Komenda Sugar Factory. It works for a month and sleeps for three months. It is still in coma, awaiting a change in hospital administration.
- Hashtag of the Year: #KalyppoChallenge. #HardGuyBut gets an honourable mention.
- Occupiers of the Quarter: ISD Workers. They caused their former Acting Director to correct the error in the apology he issued for an error. They also demanded for his sack, which came to pass.
- NGO of the Year: People’s National Convention (PNC)
- Promise of the Year: “The economy will be better next year.” We hear you, Le Presido. We have been hearing you for the past few years – we only pray next year is not on wheels.
- Most Popular Corporate Entity of the Year: Electoral Commission. They started the year with logo vim and are cruising with disqualification speed. We are all praying they drive us safely through the coming elections.
- The Most Consistent Company: Electricity Company of Ghana (ECG). You can still rely on their ability to show you your real size.
- Brand Statement of the Year: “We like it, we picked it, it makes us happy.” ~ The Electoral Commissioner responding to complaints that the EC’s new logo had an uncanny resemblance to an existing logo available online.
47. Preferred Presidential Autobrand of the Year: Toyota.
48. Truck of the Year: The tipper truck that carried the journalists around to take pictures on Independence Day.
49. Currency of the Year: Mahama Paper.
50. Drink of the Year: Kalyppo.
51. Facebook Polygamist of the Year: Hon Rodney Nkrumah-Boateng. No challenger.
52. Artiste of the Year: Shatta Wale. His songs are powering the campaigns of the leading parties.
53. Most Dangerous Vehicle to Photograph: Branded Mahindra. Someone was arrested for taking such pictures and circulating them. What happened to that case? A good example of Sikamanian issues that start with gidigidious vim of boiling beans and end fuushially with the dignity of a fart.
State-sponsored Free Publicity: The arrest by the BNI at the Kotoka International Airport of an author that not many knew, for writing an article that few had read. I am surprised the dude hasn’t used the hype to re-launch his book.
55. Near-Fatal Political Loss of the Year: The loss on the “Ballot Box” of the slot reserved for Akua Donkor and Hassan Ayariga. But we are comforted by the fact that Madam Donkor has been leased to the NDC and so we won’t miss the fun she brings. We wish Hassan well as he fights the EC in court and are encouraged by his choice of lawyer.
56. Mystery of the Year: The identity of the person who edited the Independence Day brochure.
Team of the Year: #TeamOA
. Eddie Ameh commented “Charlie, a few days prior to their nuptials, they were more popular than “me and you, our Kotoko and Chelsea.” I agree! Vim o, KOA and AOA!
58. Manimal of the Year: Bishop Obinim
59. Obroni of the Year: Bukom Banku
60. Conversion of the Year: Leaflets to Cash
61. On-loan Politician of the Year: Akua Donkor. She is on free loan from her GFP to the NDC.
62. Resurrection of the Year: That of Egya Ward-Brew; just in time to submit his forms to contest the Presidential elections. And to get disqualified. See you in four years’ time, Egya. As usual.
Blog/Website of the Year: https://kenikodjo.com
. Maukeni Padiki Kodjo is also the Blogging Ghana’s Blogger of the Year and in 2016, she really came into her own with her series of stories on her blog which received rave reviews and great following.
- Most scarce product: Political common sense.
65. Boys Abrɛ Coach of the Year (Foreign Category): After landing the job he has been chasing for years, Sam Allardyce was sacked as coach of England’s soccer team after just 67 days, following an undercover sting by a British newspaper. Reminded me of John Garang.
66. Boys Abrɛ Metropolitan Chief Executive of the Year: Kojo Bonsu
67. Boys Abrɛ Politician of the Year: Nii Armah Ashitey, incumbent member of Parliament for Korle Klottey. Paddyman try saaah, he couldn’t stop Dr Zanetor Rawlings. Better luck next time, sah!
68. Parliamentary Debate of the Year: It turned out to be a non-debate, actually. The recall of Parliament from recess to tackle the motion to investigate the President for the Ford gift saga. The speaker dismissed the motion in 15 minutes.
69. Immigrants of the Year: Gitmo 2
70. Disease Discovery of the Year: Kpokpogbligbli
71. HEADmaster of the Year: Comedian David Aglah
72. Clergyman of the Year: Rev Prof Martey, former Moderator of the Presbyterian Church of Ghana.
73. Mansotwenian Process of the Year: The election of the Presiding Member of the Kumasi Metropolitan Assembly.
74. Twuminator of the Year: Koku Da Headmaster
75. Throw-Backer of the Year: Edward Sena Dey
76. Soundbite of the Year: “I don’t think far, I don’t think madness, ɛno na mentsi asiɛ…”
77. Tautology of the year: Akua Donkor declaring her support for NDC after her disqualification.
*Picture by The Black Narrator
Compiled and Edited by Nana A Damoah
Contributors: Kwame Amoah, Della Russel Ocloo, Kotei Neequaye, Reuelah Bee, Francis Kennedy Ocloo, Theo Osei, Bernard Brown Snr, Enoch Sowah, Manasseh Azure Awuni, Albert Amah Arhin, Eddie Ameh Snr, Indira Mensah-Dapaah, Lambert Coffie Atsivor