In this life, there are things which are pleasurable when done right. One of those things is sex. There are instances when people engage in sex and say it is thrilling and is worth it. But I think when you are at ease and know what you’re doing is right, then sex becomes sweeter and worth calling lovemaking.
The first is when you are young or broke and cannot afford a family. There is a voice lurking at the back of our thoughts, telling you that you can get pregnant even if you use protection. That alone can take the fun out of it and make you doubt the rightfulness of your actions. If it happens that your period delays even for an hour after the act, you frantically think you are pregnant. You might be forced to confess your sins to someone who will sing to everyone you fear might hear. The man or boy involved will also be pressured by the lady’s insecurities, even if the male tries to depict that he doesn’t care, he still gets the nudge of guilt hovering on his head. Such sex can never be lovemaking. It is purely sex not worth having.
The second sex not worth having, is adultery. When you’re married and having sex, a part of your conscience tells you what you’re doing is wrong. Pictures of the person you are cheating on become your mind’s desktop picture. The person’s angry face, the person’s smiling face, the person’s leaving face etc. Your feeling of doing wrong by that person forces the fun out of the act branding it pure sex and not lovemaking. If you’re very honest with yourself, you’ll know that is sex not worth having.
The third is sex by people who you know nothing of. This way, many sexually transmitted diseases avail themselves to you in the process. You know not what you’ll be infected with. That fear, forces the fun out of the act making it sex and not lovemaking, it will be over before you know something went on and the burdensome thoughts become heavy with each minute. This is simply sex not worth having.
The fourth is sex with someone you consider undesirable or when one feels his or her love is not with the one involved in the act. The mere fact that a person like that is having body contact with you kills you inside and zaps all the fun out of you. No matter how good the person is in oral sex, you can never enjoy the act, making it sex and not lovemaking, which is sex not worth having.
The fifth is when one is angry, bothered by a secret or the trust of a party is shaking or wavering. The mind of that person will be hovering far away with every touch. Again, when the place belongs to none of you, you get a feeling of someone barging in, so even if you are a married couple, you will end up having sex instead of making love.
The sixth is when a party or both parties are obsessed with having a baby. The goal is their motive so they will end up not enjoying the act no matter how right it is.
The seventh is when you are saddled by the sinful nature of the act you’re indulging in. It affects your state of being and gets your heart kneeling in front of your maker asking for forgiveness even as you are in the process.
Love making, to me, is when we have nothing but the desire of ourselves and each other on our minds and feel no wrong. Most importantly, when we feel we have the right to enjoy whatever it is we are having, it makes it worthwhile. So let’s make love and stop having sex.
Amoafowaa Sefa Cecilia © 2014.